Most people who come to me and work with me WANT change. They want something MORE for themselves and their business and don’t want to be stuck anymore. So when I ask “Do you want to change?” The answer is inevitably yes… Then why is it so hard to put what we want into practice?
What we don’t know can be scary… Change is scary and our comfort zones are exactly that - comfortable! Most everyone I meet in my line of work would rather choose the devil we know rather than the possibility we don’t. Because to make REAL change means we would have to confront a few truths about ourselves:
We are way more addicted to mediocrity than we want to admit
There’s a point of view we’ve been seeing life through that we may have to give up
We may need to change our way of thinking and take different actions
We may need to admit we’re “wrong”
I know when you see it that way, it makes perfect sense why you wouldn’t want to change. I mean, on any given day, how often do you look for the places you’ve been “wrong”? How many times do you look for places you can change? How many new actions do you put into place?
Fundamentally we want to NEED TO be right! And it’s this foundation that will keep us blindly choosing the same shit every day.
But after 15 years of coaching and facilitating people, I’ve noticed a formula that works for guiding people to change, and it always starts with a WILLINGNESS.
When a person is STUCK in an experience, it can feel SO REAL. Like there’s no way out and no other way life could be. My job with my clients always starts with “Are you willing to see something different?”
A willingness to SEE something new
A willingness to BE WRONG
A willingness to EXPLORE a new perspective
A willingness to DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT
A willingness to do what it takes to HAVE EVERYTHING you say you want
Look at that for a minute. How willing are you, really?
We start with a willingness because without that we go nowhere. And with a willingness to explore this list… We can do almost anything.
The biggest hurdle people deal with after their willingness is their perspective about The Gap; The Gap between where they are and where they want to be. It could be that you’re making $75K but you want to make $100K. The gap is $25K. Or let’s say you want to be married and have children, but you're single and living at home with your parents. Or, maybe you want to drop 20lbs. The gap is simply where you want to be vs where you are.
Once you SEE the gap between where you are and where you want to be, you’ll notice some changes you’d have to make to get there. Sure that makes sense… But then why aren’t we all have a great life willing to make change and close the gap on what we want?
We say things like: “Change is hard”. OR, we make ourselves wrong for not being there already. We think “I should’ve known better, done better, and should already be there”. (Productive, I know!). Then to save face, we placate ourselves by settling for where we are and what we have to avoid feeling like a failure. It’s no wonder New Year’s resolutions have a shelf life of about 2 weeks. We can’t seem to get through the muck going on in our heads!
We can either embrace our comfort zones and forget our goals, OR we can fully commit to our goals and surrender to the process (without making ourselves wrong). It’s all about what you are COMMITTED to and what you prioritize. In creating a process that works, I’ve found 3 things that make it so much easier to close the gap and make the change:
Create a Routine for Success: Modern-day living has many of us stuck in a constant state of fight or flight. Our nervous systems are shot and we find we are constantly reacting to everything. To make change in this environment is wildly unsuccessful. However, if you can create new routines to calm your nervous system, you can bypass those reactive responses and get to the change you wish to experience.
Remember your WHY: Get connected to what you want and your vision each morning. Hold it as a priority and a real possibility. Then take NEW uncomfortable actions every day that are consistent with your WHY, your path, and the vision you desire.
Be Accountable: Share your vision with a partner, coworker, or coach who can see this possibility for you, who can see your abilities, and who wants this for you too. Be willing to allow this person (or people) to show you your old patterns and comfort zone when you fall back into it. Allow their partnership to guide your way.
