with Tamara RoseAnswers · Transitions
Why Do I Feel Lost in Life? What It Means and What to Do Next
Feeling lost in life often means the life you built around other people's expectations no longer fits who you're becoming, and the next step hasn't shown itself yet. It's common in transitions: a career change, an empty nest, the end of a relationship, a birthday that makes you take stock. You don't need the whole map; ask what your soul would choose, and take the one step in front of you.
If feeling lost comes with hopelessness or thoughts of harming yourself, please reach out for support today, to a licensed professional or someone you trust. This page isn't medical advice.
If you've built a life that looks good from the outside and you still wake up wondering what you're doing, you're in very good company. I hear some version of "I feel lost" from successful women all the time, and it almost never means they did something wrong.
Why do I feel lost?
Most of us built our lives on a long list of shoulds: the expectations other people placed on us, the expectations we placed on ourselves, what we think we should and shouldn't do. All of that is noise, and when there's enough of it, it blocks your path and it blocks your purpose. It gets hard to hear what you want over everything you've been told to want.
So when you feel lost and confused, the noise may simply have gotten louder than you, or the life the noise built has stopped fitting the woman you are now.
Signs you've outgrown the life you built
- You're restless in a life you worked hard to build.
- You lie awake at night with a pull you can't name.
- You can see where you're meant to go, and you keep asking yourself why you aren't there yet.
- People tell you to be realistic, and something in you won't settle for it.
- The things that used to light you up feel flat.
I know this one personally. At 29, I had it all: a big bank account, four properties, and the number one sales spot at my company, and I quit my job anyway. I didn't know what I was doing; I only knew I was going to go travel. I couldn't sleep at night because the pull toward my path and purpose was so big, and I couldn't have told you what it was. There was a calling, and I didn't know what it was yet. My parents kept asking when I'd get a nine-to-five again, and every time, something in me said no, that's not my path.
Why it's coming up now
Feeling lost tends to arrive with a transition: a career that has run its course, kids leaving home, a relationship ending, a birthday with a zero on the end. Here's how I see it. It's only coming up because it's time; if it wasn't time, it wouldn't be coming up.
What to do when you feel lost in life
You don't need to figure out your whole life this week. These are the four things I'd have you do first.
Turn down the noise: whose expectations are you living?
Write down the shoulds running your days, and next to each one, whose voice it really is: a parent, a partner, an old boss, the version of you from ten years ago. Then ask the question underneath all of them: who would you actually be if none of that existed?
Ask what your soul would choose
The easiest question I know for getting clarity is this one: what would my soul choose? Where does my soul want to live? Who does my soul love being around? What lights it up? When you ask what you should do, you're choosing from ego, human limitation and the human brain. When you ask what you desire and what's next for you, your intuition has a guidance system to follow.
Sit with the question longer
Give the question more time than feels comfortable. The first knee-jerk answer is usually an old pattern talking, and the truer answer tends to arrive after it, quieter, once you've stopped rushing.
Take the one step in front of you
You don't need the whole map. The one step in front of you is the intuition, so take that one, and let the next one show itself after. If it's hard to hear anything at all right now, start with quiet; my free 20-day meditation series gives you a few minutes a day to listen.
Feeling lost in life at 40, 50 and beyond
If you're 40, 50 or older and feeling lost, it can seem like you should have this figured out by now. I'd turn that around. The life that worked for twenty years can be exactly the one you've outgrown, and you're choosing what comes next with everything those years taught you about yourself.
I went from working at 2 different hospitals in 2 different professions, working weekends, day and night shift, exhausted and broke, to getting paid to follow my God-given purpose.
Related: The stages of spiritual awakening · How to trust your intuition
Common questions
Why do I feel lost in life?
Usually because the life you built around other people's expectations no longer fits who you're becoming, and the next step hasn't shown itself yet. It's especially common in transitions like a career change, an empty nest or the end of a relationship.
Is it normal to feel lost in life?
Yes, very. Most people feel lost at some point, and it shows up most often around big transitions. Often it means something in your life is ready to change.
What do you do when you feel lost in life?
Turn down the noise of other people's expectations, ask what your soul would choose, sit with the question a little longer than feels comfortable, and take the one step in front of you. You don't need the whole map to start.
Why do I feel lost and empty?
Emptiness often shows up when you've been living on shoulds for a long time and the things that used to fill you no longer do. If the emptiness has lasted a while or comes with low mood, please talk with your doctor or a licensed therapist.
Why do I feel lost at 40 (or 50)?
Midlife is when many women look at a life that worked on paper and realize it no longer fits who they've become. It's a natural time to start choosing from what you want now.
How do I stop feeling lost in life?
One step at a time. Ask what your soul would choose, take the one step in front of you, and keep listening; the lost feeling tends to ease as your life starts to match who you're becoming.
Is feeling lost in life a sign of depression?
It can be part of depression, and nobody can tell that from a web page. If the feeling has lasted a while or comes with low mood, please see your doctor or a licensed therapist. And if you need support right now, please reach out today.
This article is for education and everyday wellbeing; it isn't medical advice. If you're struggling with your sleep, mood or health, please talk with a licensed professional. Keep reading: all answers · the free meditation series · about Tamara Rose