Feeling Stuck in Life? Part 1: Break Free From the Framework Keeping You There

A conversation with Tamara RoseJuly 29, 202561 minutesOriginally aired as Divine Feminine Radio, Episode 25

Watch: Tamara Rose on feeling stuck in life and how to break free from the framework keeping you there

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If you keep changing the job or the relationship and somehow end up living the same life, you're probably still inside the same framework. This episode is about how your beliefs build the reality you keep landing in, and what it takes to step into a new one.

What you'll hear

Tamara describes the reality you're living in as a fishbowl, a framework or a paradigm, and your thoughts, feelings and actions are what build it. Whatever you believe about people, opportunities, money, jobs and success is the only way they can show up for you, because reality is always matching your belief system.

She also answers a listener who asked when she started breaking the cycle. Growing up where nobody rocked the boat, she remembers watching a relative with a strong, outspoken personality in middle school and thinking, how would she handle this? Seeing someone do life differently gave her a glimpse of a new framework, and she started mirroring that directness; being bold was a trait she trained, and she was always looking for other options.

How your beliefs build the reality you're stuck in

Relationships are the easiest mirror. If you grew up making sure everything was okay for a parent whose world revolved around them, apologizing even when it wasn't your fault, then a partner who simply loves and adores you doesn't match your framework. You'll find something wrong, they'll leave and you'll be proven right, until you do the work to decide what love actually means to you.

Money works the same way. A 9 to 5 runs on an agreement: you show up and the paycheck comes. When Tamara left her job and later became an entrepreneur, she had to learn a completely new framework, one that takes a lot of trust and self-worth, because money is energy and it comes to you at the level you value yourself. Alongside the business logistics, every framework has its own energetics, and your belief system decides whether you sink or swim. Want to go further? Read where your patterns come from.

People who broke the framework

Oprah created a new reality for women, and especially Black women, to build that level of fame and wealth, until a whole era of people wanted to be "the Oprah" of something. Runners kept breaking the mile time humans supposedly couldn't. Once one person lives outside the framework, the rest of us see what's possible. The catch is that a solution found in the old framework will only give you a slightly better version of the same thing, because phenomenal solutions come from the new one. Tamara calls patriarchy a toxic framework, and doing something new there doesn't mean putting a woman on top of it; it means building something guided by compassion, love and taking care of children and each other, even when we don't know yet what it looks like.

Why questioning what's true gets you unstuck

Tamara calls herself type A and evidence-based, and her mastery started with simple questioning: what is true, and what is real? When her early coaching clients were all hung up on time and money, she went down a quantum mechanics rabbit hole asking what time and money even are. Right now she's questioning the roles of men and women and how relationships could look in a new framework. Complaining about what doesn't work keeps creating more of it, so ask what's working, what you love and what you'd take to the next level. Being willing to be wrong is a muscle; we're trained to feel that being wrong is the end of the world, and letting that go is very freeing.

Meditation: becoming the observer

Most people treat their feelings and interpretations as real, so reality shows up to match them. Meditation teaches you to be still and observe, and when you observe you get more information than your thoughts and feelings alone, without interpretations that come from past triggers and experiences. That's why meditation is always her first step. From there you move from guilt and shame, through acceptance, into love, joy and expansion, where you stop living at the effect of your reality and start creating it.