with Tamara RoseClient stories · The primary pattern
The Ex-Husband's Realization
Brian was my coach before he was my husband, he coached in my first company, and he's now my ex-husband and a member of Divine Self Mastery. He knows this work as well as anyone, and in one of our Wednesday live sessions he finally saw the thing that had been quietly running his whole life. He said yes to me sharing it, because he knows how many people will see themselves in it.
The pattern on the surface
When I asked Brian to name his primary pattern, he didn't hesitate.
My primary pattern is f*** the man.
It made sense the moment he said it. He grew up skating in Northern California and found his people in punk and the DC hardcore scene, a whole culture built on pushing back against authority. Then he looked at his work life.
Fired from somewhere around 15 jobs. Never really given a bad review. But always just told, hey, you can't work here no more.
Fifteen jobs, and not one bad review. That's the part I want you to sit with, because it's never about talent. Brian is gifted, and the pattern still found a way to show him the door every single time.
How the roots spread
A primary pattern never stays in one corner of your life, because that's how energy works. Once you can name it, the question becomes: how does it relate to everything else? For Brian, "f*** the man" grew into "don't trust things are going to work out, don't trust that you're safe, don't trust authority," and authority turned out to be everywhere: bosses, strong female leaders, teachers, his stepmom.
Then it reached his money, because money is another version of power. Think about it this way: if people with power are corrupt, and the man has the money, then the safest thing you can do is not have any. Get close to becoming the successful person in charge, and you'll throw a hand grenade into it before it can happen.
It can't be a shock that my finances are always how my finances are.
None of this is a character flaw. It's a pattern doing exactly what it was built to do, and you can't out-create it with a better plan or a stronger will. You have to get rid of the energy underneath it.
Where it took root
The root surfaced after a phone call with his mom, who was noticing something about his childhood and apologizing for it. When Brian was little, the instruction everywhere they went was "do not unstrap him from his stroller," because the moment he was free, he was climbing the wall of shoes in the shoe store and throwing them off the shelves.
The actual source of it is that I was strapped down in my stroller. Everything was a fight for me to get free.
Here's what I see in that story: he wasn't a menace. He was a little boy with more energy than anyone around him knew what to do with, he got labeled a menace, and so he became one. Every boss, every rule and every authority after that was one more strap on the stroller, and all of his energy went into getting out.
It even showed up in the word I use most in this work. When I'd say "surrender," Brian heard "give up," and his hackles went up. For me, surrender means going all in; for a little boy fighting his way out of a stroller, it meant losing.
The front of the hand and the back of the hand
Here's the part most people miss. When you don't clear a pattern, you don't only live it, you also live its opposite, and both come from the same root. You end up reacting to the energy that created it, either by fighting it or by swinging hard the other way, and neither one is a free choice. Big extremes on both sides of the same hand.
Brian saw it in a moment from our own family. When our daughter was little, the question came up of using one of those child leashes, and he was a hard no. Looking back, he could see where that came from:
My response was to the energy of what that created. We are not putting her on a leash.
He wasn't choosing for her in that moment; the little boy in the stroller was choosing for him.
That's why insight alone doesn't free you. Brian has years of coaching behind him, and he can describe this pattern better than almost anyone, and it could still run his life until he gets to excavating it.
What cracking it open looks like
Brian is in month five of Divine Self Mastery, inside clearing the field and clearing the lineage, and he'll tell you himself that he's still in it. What changed in that session wasn't his bank account; it was that he finally saw the root, and the root is the thing you can actually clear. Once you know where it took hold, you can ask the questions that free it: how much of this can I clear, and how much can I create newly once it's gone?
If you've done the work, you can explain your patterns, and some results are there, but it still feels harder than it needs to be, this is most likely what's missing. It's not more insight; it's the root.